![[quote]](http://static.biggie.co.nz/img/dis/message_quote.png "Quote message")
T'was the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and the wife was on heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some shagging, by hook or by crook.
The wife in her teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my full chubby and the wife went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon was so bright that it lit up the yard,
The place was a mess, something hit it real hard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a crooked old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, Whoa Asshole, Whoa Stupid, Whoa Putz,
Slow this fuckin' rig down, or I'll slice off your nuts.
Over the lamp post, and don't hit that tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh 'cause I'm trying to pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on the shrub.
And then from the roof came a hell of a splatter,
As each of the reindeers emptied its' bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down through the chimney he came with a crash.
His suit was all soaking with perfume galore,
He looked like a tramp, and smelled like a whore.
"That was some cathouse," he said with a smile,
The reindeer are stuffed, so I'll hang for awhile."
He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink,
Then whipped out his dick and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached for his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a black leather whip,
Next there were some X rated video clips.
A box full of condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And boxes of goodies I won't even mention.
A cock ring, a G string and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids: Mrs Santa would shit,
If you don't mind, I'll leave it all here when I split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
And he fell on his buttocks and broke wind instead.
He cursed and got up and climbed into his hitch,
"Let's go ya varmints, the nights been a bitch!"
The shuddering lurch slammed him back in his chair,
And he let out a belch as they took to the air.
Bending the lamp post and raking the tree,
He bounced off a roof top and finally got free.
"I'm comin' home, woman!" he sang with a smirk,
"So grab both your ankles, and pull up your skirt!"
