Unconventional methods for private tasks

Warning, this might gross girls out (it shouldn't really) but ois a very male topic (well the OP is anyway)

Following on from the wiping standing up discussion a few months back, over the weekend I was browsing another forum and discovered a discussion and subsequent poll on the topic of the old tried and true shaking of the last drips after a piss. Did you know that there are a lot of guys out there that do not like this male 101 method and actually prefer to use toilet paper to dab their jap's eye dry post pee pee? The reasoning is apparently it's diddicult to control in which direction the shake will send your final ball of piss flying and by dabbing you eliminate the risk of being struck by the yellow grenade. These people generally hate urinals as well because it deprives them the opportunity of dabbing, although some in the thread I was reading insisted they opted for cubicals whenever possible and even if it meant waiting...

a few drops of pee on ones trousers is a huge turn on to the ladies, surely?

25 years on from the enactment of homosexual law reform in new zealand and we've all turned into ladyboys

we were warned

*shakes head and pees on his foot*

Cant say Ive ever had to dab the end of my knob. Then again I am a helmet not a sock end.

+1 (on both counts) :>

I usually hold back the pressure with about 20% to go, and then go for a final epic push for the last bit so there's no residual dribbling at all :>

The old Super Hadouken Method.

Also, I always press flush before a little while before I finish and try to race the flush :p I think someone might have mentioned that on biggie actually 5-6 years ago. I tried it once and it's just stuck as a habit now heh. My last gf was puzzled when she noticed me doing that haha.

Confirmed sock head dabber.

When you shake off the droplets of piss....where do you think they go?

Right....and thats why you'll use some peoples bathrooms and notice the walls are covered in yellow spots.. gross

^^ probably sits down when pissing as well :>

If you could make a compelling case that sitting down was more efficient/hygienic...... I would start doing it straight away. I wouldnt let myself be leveled from utilising this remarkable discovery by some ridiculous notion of it degenarating my manhood

I think I have sat down to piss a few times actaully...when woken from a drunken slumber with a bursting bladder and being worried about directions, or I if I was indeed in the toilet at all (everyones heard about the great closet pissers)

Anway the result was I woke up hung over but without piss on my bathroom floor. Oh...and was less of a man that day! FML?

Which is the same type of thinking which leads me to adopt the dabbing technique. But hey..... you guys just keep flinging your piss onto toilet walls and yourselfs, thats a hell of a lot more manly

At home I generally sit down, its nice to get a little bit of a break as its a time when no one bothers you :p

Cant say I would dab, unless youre dehydrated its so close to water that I wouldnt worry about a few drops.

I'll dab if the situation calls for extra caution (wedding, funeral, hot date, light coloured pants etc) but in general no.

If I'm drunk as fuck, I just count myself lucky if I didn't piss all over my shoes.

Let us remember that the toilet was designed for defaecation rather than urination and as a repository for our wee wee it is not bested suited to the task as this thread supports - urinals are the ideal but out homes don't come with urinals

now one could emulate The Maestro and our female friends (dabbers the lot of them) or one could do the logical thing when a urinal (the ideal place to piss - well when indoors) isn't on hand piss in the sink

no girly sitting
no splashback/shaking disasters
added bonus you can 'flush' with a tiny amount of water as compared to pissing in the toilet

Be clean and green.

Piss in the sink!

Actually, apparently a lot of dabbers straight up hate urinals due to splash back as well as te lack of toilet paper. For some reason the single porcelin urinals have a much more pronounced splas back effect - if I'm wearing nice pants I'll stand back and shoot from outside D.

I dab if I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a blowjob later that night.


Because you know... I'm a gentleman. :>

I hate urinals, I always avoid them if possible. Don't really know why, just never got used to them. I like having my own space/privacy I guess.

Oh while we're on the subject too - Really pisses (badoomtish) me off when people who don't use urinals piss directly into the water. Gah. Empty your bladder more quietly ffs

what's everyone's fave technique for pissing with an EMB?

That reminds me about a story about a guy going for a piss and noticing a brand new roll of toilet paper, his girlfirend hit the roof the next morning when she saw it was still brand new and unused.

This'll piss (badoomtish) you off because you'll have to wait till you get home to see what I am insinuating by posting this clip. :>

Should perhaps have its own thread but:

Placing a strip of toilet paper hanging over the toilet set and between your legs so your knob doesnt touch the porcelain.

This is fairly key, especially in grottier dunnies.

No....its because you have paruresis

Whats there to like about Urinals anyway? To start to you have to stand on that disgusting ledge which is nearly always covered in piss and pubic hair. Then you are lined up with other men all with your penis's in your hand flicking and splashing piss all over the place. Its absurd

OR...you have have your own private cubicle where you can control the hygiene situation much more efficiently. Its an easy choice really

We actually had this conversation on here about 6-8 years ago, does anyone remember? I ended up finding a message board for paruresis suffers and trolling it

I don't even shake, I strain. A bit like milking a cow, but instead of an udder it's a penis, and instead of milk it's piss. Much more efficient :>

http://www.biggie.co.nz/discussion/oh_my_god_u_cant_just_do_that

http://www.biggie.co.nz/discussion/using_the_urinal_in_a_dance_club

http://www.biggie.co.nz/discussion/shy_bladder_syndrome_at_supper_club

This business with dabbing does not apply here. Not sending little post piss uric acid cluster munitions all over the place can be avoided by not shaking the ol schlong so violently. Honestly, it ain't hard.

As for other urination related habits, I especially liked taking a piss in the toilets in the basement of the Auckland uni mathematics / stats building. A good half of the room (and it was a sizable room) was uninterrupted urinal. The work of some god I am sure. In the early morning hours (7am) it was also pristine. The game was simple enough: Seeing if one had enough juice in the tank to leave a steady, uninterrupted mark across the entirety of the urinal was always a challenge. I rather enjoyed it. The looks on guys faces when they came in as I was leaving was always entertaining too.

Im a cubicle guy 100%.
the urinal is the worst invention ever.
Nothing worse than splash back on your work trousers and having to walk back to your desk displaying it.
if the cubicle isnt free, I wait.
I love unleashing the firehose at 100% force, and urinals do not allow me to do this.

This is pretty spot on. No need to helicopter piss all over the room.

Thanks fo those links btw jbs ...I miss the boards from ~8 years ago, we used to just take the piss all the time and no omne really cared about their online image like they do now. I blame myspace/facebook etc...i suppsoe

Straining is an interesting theory, will have to give it a try

As for you guys who shake and seem to think your penis is some sort of super accurate stealth bomber that will get 100% of its missiles in that small bowl..... your kidding yourselves

can we agree that there will be at least some collateral damage? That is.....at least some of the piss drops are going to land on the floor. We are "shaking it" after all...Can we also agree its your job to prevent your self pissing everywhere?

Well if we add those two togther we have the perfectly designed solution to the problem, AND ITS RIGHT THERE. You dont see wimmin flinging their pussies all over the place trying to dry off. Wimmin are fastidiously smart and just reach for the obvious solution. So why not men?

The only reason I can come up with is it is ingrained in male pysche that dabbing/wiping is a wimmin thing. So instead of risking the clearly horrific possibilty of being compared to a wimin we completely illogically opt to piss on the seat, the floor, and ourselves

Doesnt that seem absurb to yous? That we shun the most pratical solution because we are worried our urinating techinique isnt "manly"?

strain piss out of your shaft; then shake with a slight flick at the down turn of your peen to ensure drips fling in the direction wanted. Simple.

Does anyone piss with their pants around their ankles?

I remove my pants completely and balance them on my head

There's people out there who prefer to undress completely (get naked) to do poos too. Liberates them or something

I do that occasionally :> Particularly if it's hot outside. Bathrooms are usually air-conditioned nicely

A couple of points: You can never 100% predict post piss dribble so even dabbing/wiping can be riddled with risk

Secondly, to all the idiots complaining they don't like urinals because of splashbabk- you do realise you can point your wang left, right, up or down. You don't have to stand there with it pointing waist high directly in front of you.

But they're curved So even if you aim left/right it can still get you

So do all you pro-dabbers get all worked up about wiping your rears as well? I mean it's not exactly the most hygienic situation right?

If you got poo on your hand would you just wipe it off with paper and call it a day?

This is ace in summer. Also another good tip is if you have a tendency to sort of lean forward a little when taking a dump, whether naturally or to read a newspaper or right rude messages on the back of a door.... If you straighten your back up and lean back toward the cistern you can bust out a good extra 5-10% of poo = Great Success!!!!

The Rocking Roakie Method will deliver similr results.

yeah still gets you, spesh if you goin full force.

You people seriously can't aim at an appropriate place in a urinal so your own piss doesn't slash back on you? :shakeshead:

Fuck I reckon. How hard can it fuckin be?

At the Southern Cross down here they have flies painted on the urinal at the appropriate place. They reckon it's reduced wet floors by "heaps."

the same Southern Cross...?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/southerncrosshealthcare

Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

have you ever thought bout just wiping it on your undies when you tuck yourself back in? unfortunately this can have rather catastrophic effects if wearing light coloured pants, what with associated seepage etc.

have you ever tried pissing with an emb? (early morning boner) can be a bit difficult to aim.

another real issuere aim is when you go for a whizz and it comes out at 2-3 different angles, you get some in the toilet, some on the back of the seat and some on the wall. you kinda don't know whether to stop or keep going and deal with the mess after.

Getting a mono beam isn't guaranteed, aiming in stereo is like trying to fill a glass with water using a fire hose.

Fuck knows why you would be trying to drain an early morning boner in a urinal???? That shits for in the shower or onto the lawn.

Also if post root or wank, you don't stand up for fear of tri spray, sit the fuck down- you can have as many streams/angles as you want

Why is he naked?


I call fetish alert. Anything you want to tell the group Jono? :>

JONO FUCKS TOILETS LOL

Well presumably it's an EMB situation, you don't need to get fully dressed if you're just needing to relieve yourself then head back to bed..

i like how he's planking in one of them

It's more superman than planking.

I can take it from this that DALE WEARS PJS TO BED LOL :>

as if superman goes to the loo

I choose to take from this that dalai is a never nude.

hahahaha photoshop of Dalai's face on Funke's never nude body would be awesome at this moment :>

Who cares where the piss goes? the missus will clean up.

sitting down can have its own issues. sometimes the gap between seat and bowl is just too great if associated pressure is too much. you stand up to find piss all over the floor and/or over the back of your legs.

This is a interesting....never have thought of the male issues of urination before....Though urinals are really gross, do guys look at each other at the urinal....? .or is thast weird?

guys only look at you in a urinal when you get the tri spray thing going on and whizz all over the guy standing next to you.

You know what's gross? Female toilets. Anyone who says mens toilets are dirtier than female toilets is either lying, or never had to clean toilets.


And fuck no you don't look at each other. Eyes front. FRONT.

Ya word, it's not even close.

So true, female toilets are foul....Ive seen some rough shit, not just in clubs....though Ive seen girls just go on the floor in clubs and on the bathroom floor as they couldnt hold on...Even in corporate offices chicks leave poos unflushed,used tampons on the floor..its delightful

Hah! No pjs for me, I prowl the halls of my home nude like a black bear prowling the forest... Just picture that for a second... yeah... nice... you're welcome...


So tell me Jono... Do you ever watch movies about gladiators? :>

Gummi if I may take off my pants and pull my analrapist stocking over my head, I think Jono may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder", or the "The O.C. Disorder".

FYP

FYP

4m swells on a rocking boat. no splash back.

Wow only just discovered this thread
Too long to read
Missed all the fun