The London Effect

So I met up with an old school friend in St. Petersburg and Estonia last week - the first thing he commented about me was that I got fat

But after a few days he commented that I'm not very friendly with new people. I said, yep - I got mean. This is what the UK has done to me. He didn't get it and then we went out that night and reverted to our old ways of dancing and chatting to heaps of people (not flirting - I'm taken)... until some gym monkey grabbed me by the back of the neck and said 'Are you talking to my girl? You english think all Estonian girls are bitches?'.

Luckily I defused the situation before my mate beat the shit out of this guy - but this sums up most of why I am glad to be leaving. I'm sick of being lumped in with all the English/American/Spanish/Italian/Polish/NZ/Aussie or just MALE stereotypes when I meet new people. The problem is I can't say it is unfair - most people you meet DO fit into those stereotypes.

So you get mean, you distance yourself, you are a bit harsh with new people until you find out if they have the same sense of humour as you which is often hit and miss. I want to go back to being able to just talk to anyone...

Has anyone else seen this in themselves yet?

Without getting into to much detail I completely agree with everything you are saying.

I think it makes a *huge* difference whether you're single or not... not because you're always spading if you're single (altho some of us do), but because if you're in a relationship, you know you've always got someone to go home to and hang out with...

The thing with London is if you don't meet new people, you will get lonely *very* quickly... there's a few reasons for this... for a start, people don't stay in London for long, so you get used to people leaving all the time... also, on any given weekend, half you mates could be out of the country, the other half doing something you don't want to do (e.g. going to a club you're not interested in). It pays to keep meeting new people, so you always have people to hang out with.. I've met probably about as many people in the last 3 years as I have the last 7, 8, 9 years in NZ.

Besides that, London's what you make of it. If you don't go out, do new things, take some 'social risks' (e.g. turning up to a party by yourself where you know hardly anyone), you just won't enjoy the experience as much. On the positive side of people leaving, and it being a big city, you know there are *always* new people to meet, and new places to go.

As far as the stereo-typing thing, I'm sure it's been a factor for me at times, but you can break those down pretty quickly (with most people anyway), so long as you don't let it get too much into your headspace.

So basically, no, I can't really relate to what you're talking about at all.. but I guess a place like London is going to be different for everyone...

Let me get all pop psychology on your ass Mutey...

I think you're a pretty introverted guy, however with you 'DJ god' status you get to mix with a very social extrovert crowd - therefore you are used to slowly making friends with people who you get to see often.

I also am an introvert - most of the time, however I score at the very top level of the gregariousness scale (MBTI Advanced questionnaire around 2000) which is a huge component of extroversion. Basically after a drink or two I "decide" to be a gregarious extrovert (interpreted as a 'flirt' by a lot of my friends).

I'm not single so I'm not out to spade - I just like random conversations. But I don't have the 'in' that you've got, so the people I talk to are usually strangers. This is pretty much cool in NZ and occasional dance music nights in London, but mostly is frowned upon.

Which sucks for me, because I often go to things where I don't know many people - or anyone, which just weirds people out "What? you're here alone?!?".

Maybe it's because I'm not a natural extrovert... maybe I just let it all get to me...

Man, I just wrote out my thoughts on this. Took 20mins. Hit preview instead of submit and lost it all. I'll just have to discuss it with you when I see you cos I can't be arsed to write it all out again.

God I love this site

Haha so Tony, did you tell the Estonian to fuck off then?

And where will you be based in NZ?