Sticky Situation

I really need some advice...

I was having drinks on Friday night with my CEO, who to be honest I don't know that well on more than a proffessional level. We got on really well, and he was buying me drink after drink. Anyways late in the evening, or early morning he goes and drops a bomb shell on me that he "wishes we didn't work together, and wishes I wasn't married"....!!!!

I am positive - apart from staying out with him way too long, and accepting plenty of free drinks - I'm sure I gave him no reason to think I was keen on him...

Thoughts? i <3 my job and don't want to leave

sex him and then say he sexual harassed you

retire on big payout...

Has it eventuated to something else? Like has he actually asked you do anything about what he said?

If not, I would pretend like nothing happen. There are several outcomes from this. Either nothing else will ever happen, or he will make his move again. If he does, it's a whole lot of different story.

Never know, he might have been really drunk and said something he didn't really mean.

<<<

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heh, yeah ShaunieBoy kinda has a point. It doesn't take much for a guy to think that there is something "going on". Especially if we're under the influence.

I hate it when guys do that.. especially ones that are supposed to be mates. Guys just because you buy a girl drinks doesn't instantly mean she's keen on you

seriously, if you're not keen that don't accept the drink

Guys only buy drinks for girls they wanna fuxk
If you accept the drink that's confirmation that you wanna ride his love stick

Exactly.
"Apart from sucking dick, and putting hamsters up my anus, I'm sure I gave him no reason to think I was gay."

Basically, work/life. there's a line between them. maybe work/////life. as in, do/never/screw/the/crew. going out for 1 on 1 drinks with a member of the opposite sex...

BTW what he did ALREADY is sexual harassment because of the power relationship.

Nah, the rule is 'dinner'.

A girl can let a guy buy her 200 lunches, that means jack
Let a guy take you out for dinner, and there better be some extra meat action afterwards

Of course not, that's what the rohypnol is for.

I hate this about guys. It's one thing about our gender that makes us as fucking lame as fucking fuck.

Accepting drink after drink from your boss would come under boss/employee relationship anyway imo.

Hmm... Maybe you're right, it doesn't take much for some guys to get the wrong idea. It was just on Friday so I havn't seen him since but hopefully it will be sweet tomorrow. I feel like if he feels uncomfortable about the whole situ he could get rid of me. He has always been very good to me, and he's promoted me & pays me great $ but I still had no idea how he felt until that night. At the time - after a dozen vodkas - I did just laugh. I just hope he mans up and says sorry : /

Sorry? lol You better hope he says nothing at all and this never comes up! Because after all you're married and you have no feelings for him. Right?

Are you married or is your boss married? You could sleep with him then play the blackmail card

Dunno, I'd prefer he confront it and just say sorry, it's a hard thing to do but it's usually a better way to handle things. Unless one of the parties is a stupid psycho and can't handle the jandle.

Edit: Though I guess agreed silence can sometimes work........

Yeah, like in this situation it is better left alone, imo. If it happens again, this is when you should have the "talk". But to be honest by that stage I'd be looking for a new job anyway.

Imagine how much fun this thread is going to be to be when National brings in the 90 day fire at will policy.

Just remember your not really a variable in his obvious martial problems, don't let him drag you in there in any way shape or form. Bad news, stay away.


heh yeah was thinking that.

I suggest a quiet word with your boss - tell them that you don't want friday to turn into an incident nor do you expect that situation to arise again,

if it was just drunk lust or something more you don't want the situation to destroy what relationship you had anymore than it has

Just pretend it didn't happen is the best idea but try to be a bit distant for the next few days (not super over the top friendly). He probably feels like an idiot so spare him the further humiliation and reduce the risk of making an awkward work environment. If it happens a second time hit him up about it there and then and tell him it's not on. Don't go out drinking with him anymore.

Ummm he is my boss. That's what they do - you know showing appreciation to good staff etc.

He hasn't come in today, and he promised me he'd be here. I have a feeling he will be the one with the red face.

What a mess.

Agree with this...I'd say your boss feels like a total tool and it won't ever come up again...if it does, it'll be in a similar situation over drinks, so probably best to avoid the one on one drinks with the boss

I disagree... to pretend it didn't happen relies on your boss behaving in a certain manner and therefore not repeating his actions... better to ensure he hasn't got his wires crossed because he is:

a) a man
b) a man
c) a man
d) all of the above

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone. I haven't really been able to talk to anyone cos I do accept some of the blame.

Yeah neil, I tend to think that buying drinks for your staff is the one exception to this rule as it's often done to try and make someone seem like a better/cooler boss.

If he hasn't come in art geek, then sounds like you're okay as you said. He's probably been beating himself up about it all weekend and hoping it never gets mentioned again.

Either that or he broke up with his wife so he needs to take the day off to sort out the pieces

Now that would be interesting...

yeah, sorry, never really had a job so I wouldn't know....

He's single and looking. I'm the one who's not.

Do you consider yourself hot enough to be hit on by him? I.e. were you flattered or more shocked?

Fuck girls are thick.



gc.

Does he have a lot of money ? Is he hotter than your husband ? What are the downsides to having an affair with this man?

Going for a one on one drink with a single boss who is on the prowl was always gonna be a bit iffy imo.

I think letting the boss know you had a good time but are happy with your husband and don't want anything to change between you and he (the boss) is the best idea. This way it comfortably lets him off the hook for saying something which was undoubtedly drink related while closing the door of possibility of his repeating it in the future

Also, though I've not seen the show so really don't know how applicable it is, all I can think of in this thread is:



<:

Whats this got to do with any of it? he knew she was married, he hit on her, it didnt fly.

IMO, I would talk to him about it. Sweeping it under the rug never works, these things tend to rear their ugly head. Having a quiet chat with him shouldnt be too hard, as you say you have worked with him for a while. Just tell him you want to talk about what happened on Fri, tell him a lot of booze had been imbibed and you understand things can get said in the height of alcomaholary. Say that you hope it wont affect your working relationship and suggest you both put it behind you and move on.

Its always better to deal with these things rather than pretending it didnt happen. He will respect you even more for being up front and able to face it. Tis what i would do anyway.

well is that interesting

guys opinion = don't stay anything
girls opinion = lets talk about it

(note, I'm counting THC as a boy and Smiley as a girl)

Where does Bob D fit in then? He doesnt think sweeping it under the rug is a good idea either.

It has nothing to do with being a guy or a girl, a boss hitting on you isnt on, even if booze is involved. IMO, addressing it and ensuring it doesnt take place again is paramount.

you calling me a girl too Neil?

he's an anomaly... i'm talking averages here, you can't expect everyone to fit the pattern, because there is always gonna be some noise in the data.

Over the course of the night I had at least 1/2 a dozen other guys hit on me. So yeah I'm hot enough

At the time I was more flattered & slightly shocked, afterwards - once the effect of 14 vodkas had worn off - it was definitely more shocked.

To be clear,

I think his behaviour is wrong, and I don't think art_geek should be blaming herself at all

BUT

I think it's a good idea to wait and see what happens before storming in and confronting him.

and I'm not suggesting you sweep it under the carpet. I'm just suggesting a more pragmatic approach.

Agree with the sentiment but that last bit in speech marks is an absolute 'mare. Do not use those words. This sounds like he asked you to marry him. Which he didn't; he made a flippant as fuck comment which you didn't happen to respond to, so really no biggie imo. Play it that way.



No he won't. He'll ether be pissed he didn't get some tail or that he didn't manage to pry you away from your husband if he is really interested (which I don't imagine being the case from what we've been told), or he genuinely will think nothing of it as it isn't really that big a deal anyway. Any respect you do happen to get will have come from your genuinely wanting to be with your husband, which occurred at the time.
That said, if you light-heartedly act as though it's no thang he won't feel like you're gonna bring this up in the future, so that you can both resume as normal, as is the mature thing to do, it may just garner you some respect for handling the situation maturely

imo.

He is loaded, and a lovely guy, but my husband is way hotter.

What Neil said just above... going storming in or even trying to talk about it could backfire no matter how well intended... Letting it rest for a few weeks wont backfire on you and it'll help ease the angst is there is any.

It a pretty hard call what the best thing to do it .

At one extreme, you could request a discussion with the HR officer present. It depends on the culture of your company.

Ignoring it might work. People are all about communication these days, but sometimes communication is a bad thing. But not communicating with him about it might leave some lasting impact, which could affect your career.

If you feel you know him well enough and there is sufficient respect in the relationship then a discussion could work and it would allow both of you to put the whole thing aside as a drunken mistake. It jsut depends if you would feel confident doing that in this situation considering how well you know him and how you feel he might respond sober. Obviously it would be important to let him know you consider the event over. Problem is, it might backfire.

I didnt mean to go storming in there, and obviously the words I used were not a guide. Basically I just meant to get on and deal with it. Each to their own though.

Oh yep, for sheezy. Light-hearted approach ftw; he's a bit naughty for haxing a married up wummin and will know it on some level so the best result for the OP is playing it down as much as possible. ^_^

To be honest in hindsight I think he has been pretty keen on me for a while. I just thought it was all on a strictly professional manner.

Oh and I did forget to mention that while we were out we bumped into a friend of his and he introduced me as his "lady friend".... I ignored it at the time, but thought to myself - what did he just say????

with this new hindsight even more reason to nip it in the bud now

I don't advocate a discussion - more a quick statement with minimal dwelling on the incident and NO time for "feelings" to cloud the issue

Haha, yeah that changes the situation a little bit! Cheeky fucker <:

Ok, so now I reckon tell him you had a good time but got in trouble with the hubby for being out late, then squeeze in a story about how super your husband is and what a great weekend you had together; you know, gush a little bit.

That way you've avoided saying anything awkward about his (suspected) feelings for you, while letting him know you had a good time but didn't and, more importantly, DON'T want anything to occur between you and he.

Sorted imo

That's quite a bit of 'thanks for being a top worker and that's all it means' drinks....

given all the help you're getting art geek the least you could do is to help out Smiley in the 'crash course in art history' thread.

and yeh 14 free double spirits reeks of getting someone pissed with intent.

Yep I sure should have had a clue and not let him buy me all those drinks. He had given me a taxi chit early on in the evening so I felt that it would be pretty rude to accept only 3 or 4 then taxi home.

TBH though I think at the time I was thinking it can't do my carreer any harm if he likes me a lot....

Aye????

Boss didn't FORCE her to drink 14 drinks.....

you drank 14 vodkas? jesus christ, they'd be taking me to the hospital if I drank 14 vodkas!

I have two questions for you art_geek.

1) Have you told your husband about this incident?
2) If you didn't have a husband, would you go there?

Haha, good call. What with the "lady friend" and "if you weren't married" comments he was obviously up so summat, but still easily dealt with as per my comment above I reckon.

...and how he just became a Wing Chun master?

2c...

If he hasn't come in today, and you think you know why, then I'd talk to him. But maybe not in the office. Maybe in bed after you've shagged him.

Nah in all seriousness, try not and talk to him in the office about it. You want to keep the professional relationship separate from what went on on Fri imo.

It's true though girls can make an awkward situation so much worse by wanting to talk about it, we're generally happy enough to forget about it and pretend it didn't happen and just jus get on with it.

3) Is your boss' name Roman?

Yes but you're a fucking lightweight.

Still a solid effort IMO.



gc.

Yeah, cause like I'm a loaded CEO and stuff...

Ignore the shit out this. Keep it nice and professional by never mentioning it again.

It's so sticky.....STICKY-ICKY-ICKY SITUATION BOH

Wearing makeup, high heals and dresses does not help me at all does it..

Not when so many of the men of biggie are wont to do the same when the mood takes them, no <:

Aside from what your boss said

.... How did your husband feel about you going out alone with your single male boss and drinking 14 vodkas until the early hours of the morning?!??!

def wouldn't be too stoked on that one, if I was him.

You say you've done no wrong it's your boss and it's a work thing, but I've never heard of a boss taking out just 1 of their employees for that many drinks before...?!

You both sound dodgy as all hell.

BTW

I AM CALLING TROLL

If it was really a request for advice, she wouldn't have kept replying in the thread

EFT

VAD-D
169%

14 vodkas is what, 700ml of vodka?

I don't think hospital after 2/3rds of a 40oz is lightweight

I wouldn't be at hospital... I'd be in a grave

Jono don't you think taking staff out for drinks after work is a but unprofessional?

Buy them a bottle of wine, sure

But it just seems to me that fraternisation between senior management and staff leads itself to multiple issues

This. Pimp hand would be in full effect when you walked through the door if you were my missus :>

Yes but you are the royal flush of lightweight, so your opinion here really isn't too helpful, pal <:

I didn't say it was a good idea.

Yeah lol wtf.....unless he's shouting others at the same time its way OTT and obviously there was plenty of opportunity for you to decline his unnecessary generosity. Personally I'd be feeling a little uneasy accepting that many free drinks from anyone directly and would have started buying my own after a while but I guess most girls are used to receiving obscene amounts of free alcohol from guys? When they are being hit on anyway.

Really I think you should accept a large part of the blame here and just drop it and move on before it gets really messy.

As a once off, the boss trying to give you a cheeky nudge and dropping a drunken line on you is in my opinion not really worth making a massive deal about it. I'd just act as normal as possible at work but be conscious of your behaviour around and withdraw to a very distinct line between boss and employee.

Next time, when he says something like that, don't just laugh - make it very clear and distinct at the time that there is a line and you are not ever going to cross it. Giggling like a little girl is construed as flirting (but I assume that you already know that...).

I think that boys will always try to hit on you, but how you deal with the situation will decide whether it turns into anything more then harmless flirting to something more sinister.

Standard double shot is 30mls...so unless they're pouring some weird ass 50m shots, no, it's only 420mls...but anyways...it's a fair whack of vodka still...depending on how many hours the drinking session was

NZ serves double Nip unless otherwise specified...

Double Nip = 60ml's

14X 60ml's = 840 mls

That is a truckload of piss to be drinking.... Some common sense or willpower should've been shown. If not something dodgy from boss it could've been a dodgy taxi driver etc etc.

Cancel that equation!!!!!! Insanity has Double Nip measured correct.


The same as slamming 28 4% beers.......

bah - damn you for realising your mistake lazydog, I really felt like correcting-someone-on-the-internet....

um... yeah, all you people are taking the '14 vodkas' too literally... I'm sure that was just an estimate/exagerration... who would count/remember....

bah... that was weak...

Jono when you bought me all those drink the other weekend were you um.. hitting on me? :O

Is drinking more than 750ml of vodka a lot? Seemingly lots of people think it is. Am I really that much of a drunk?

(Ignoring vadz cos he also is a fucking lightweight)

No it's not. Going by Insanity's 420ml of vodka figure:

420ml @ 40% = 168ml alcohol.

330ml @ 4% = 13.2ml alcohol

Which means 12 beers.

750ML= 25 shots...you do the maths, Kris

She said a 'dozen' or 12 oringally and later increased it to 14. Whatever it was I think most people would have lost count after 6 anyway.

Hey Mike can we sticky the sticky situation? This would amuse me greatly.

I drank 5 long island ice tea, 3 bourbons, 2 beers and other drinks I don't remember one night and I was fine.. something to do with a wet teeshirt competition and being 18 :/

If you drank 5 long island ice teas they were doing it wrong.

It was over the course of like 4 hours. I drank 3 qauters of a bottle of tequila once... vads knows lol. I've also had 3 quarters of a 40oz of jager. When I was younger it was easy and normal and a lot of people I know could have easily had that much when they were young. My 19 y/o sister can!

I can't drink like that anymore though, 2-3 drinks and it's pretty much all over for me..

Thing is, I've certainly drank a 40 oz before, many times. Sure I've been drunk as fuck, but not back of an ambulance fucked....

I have a feeling you may be mocking me...... but just in case, 14 doubles cannot equate to 12 beers....




Fuck knows with the single/double/standard drinks........

I took it from here- they should know~!

http://www.cads.org.nz/news/ID028.asp

I dunno, I mean I did use maths and science to show you how the figures stack up, but whatever.....

Wait, I'll help you out.

14 doubles of vodka at 30mls per double = 420ml of vodka total. Vodka is not pure alcohol, it's ~40% by volume. That means only 40% of that 420ml is alcohol, which means 168ml.

A standard bottle of beer is 330ml. 4% of that is alcohol, which means 13.2mls.

168ml / 13.2 = 12.7. So you'd need to drink 12.7 beers to consume the same volume of alcohol as 14 x 30ml shots of vodka.

Of course you have many other variables that affect how drunk you actually get from those two drinks....

SCIENCE!

Same here. I didn't want to say in on here at the risk of being called a liar. When I was younger it was pretty easy to knock this much back and I know my sister and a lot of her mates can do it easily. I think as you get older your tolerance becomes weaker.

I find the best approach to flirting is to just totally ignore the girl you like by avoiding being in social situations with them and if you do, never say more than a couple of sentences in which you try to be funny but fail miserably and just end up sounding like a sleazy old man because you're so nervous and can't stop winking...



...but that's just me.

Yayeah! Boom!

Shot dalai, I'm the same

That's because your liver goes holy fuk what you done to me!? and stops playing the game.

Liver should shut the fuck up if it knows what's good for it.