Psychos on dating sites

Met a guy a couple of times in person after messaging back and forth several times on Findsomeone, but I didn't feel any spark. He knows I've got a house and that I want to meet someone with the same values around money and investing as me. So I ask him about financial goals and he's a bit vague, and I ask about if he's thinking about assets, and he says yeah he wants to buy a house someday and talks about building up a 5% deposit. But it doesn't sound like he's got a plan at all. I want to find someone in a similar financial position to me. After more talking about it, I say I don't really feel any spark and I'm looking for someone who has the same values around money as me. I even have this in my profile, that this is something that's crucial for me - to find someone with the same money values.

Next day he writes and is angry and says to get off my high horse about having a house and that I'm living with my mum and have no job. Yeah I'm living with my mum.. I just got back from travelling, and I have no job.. because I just got back from travelling. Both of those are temporary. What a psycho. Out of nowhere he's suddenly aggro. How do you screen these freaks out?

Sounds like you just did

Well, how did you put your message across that you felt there was no spark and that he doesn't have the same values about money as you? You might have come across to him (as perceived it) as quite smug...He might have felt like you were personally attacking him about his lack of knowledge around 'money'.

How would you feel if you met someone, and let's say you both like books and reading, and during the course of the conversation, it became apparent that he was into 'literary' fiction, stuff like James Joyce, Marcel Proust, Hemingway etc, whereas you liked chick lit type fiction (ie sushi for beginners, anything by anita shreve etc) and towards the end of the date, he said I don't feel like there is any spark, you're not into any decent literature...would you think he was a bit arrogant?

I get the impression that he felt you were being arrogant given he attacked you about living with your mum and not having a job.

Having used findsomeone myself, you get used to the internet dating scene being somewhere where you had better get used to 'rejection' fast. People seem to sometimes have somewhat arbitrary 'lists'.

If you are concerned about a potential partner coming after your assets cyber, there is always a s21 contracting out agreement!

ps got a link to your profile - I'm on there at the moment too. hah

money values... get off the internet and into a bank branch

Agree with codpiece, but if you think you handled it well, well that's all that really matters. Just block him and move on. You do have to have somewhat of a thick skin for internet dating, especially in this country. I did it in the UK (just like everybody else there) and have done it here once or twice. There definitely is a 'type' of person who does it in this country heh.

I thought I was coming across as quite adult about it. I said something along the lines of "I don't really feel a connection, and it's also important to me to find someone with the same values around money as me". I don't think I sounded like I was talking down to him. It could have been the part where I asked him about his goals and he was a bit vague, so I said "What about financial goals?" and said he wants to get a house someday and the banks will soon be letting you buy a house with a 5% deposit and I said something like "Oh god, don't borrow 95%, that's way too risky, if the value drops and the bank decides to call it in you'll be screwed". Then he asked what would be a good amount, so I said I wouldn't put down less than a 20% deposit because it's safer. Maybe it was the way I talked.. the same way as I talk jokingly to friends in a colloquial way.

I did think about it afterwards and thought maybe he got offended, so later on that night I wrote him an email saying that I hope I didn't come across as rude and implying that he wasn't good with his money, because I didn't mean to imply that at all. And I said the main thing was I didn't feel a spark, and I wished us both luck in finding someone. That's when he replied saying what I said was rude and hurtful and said about the high horse thing. If he felt that way when I was talking to him at the time, why didn't he say something, like "Oh, that makes me feel a bit stink". I thought it was an amicable conversation and ending, and there was no indication he was upset. If he'd said something at the time instead of seeming to be agreeable and like he got where I was coming from, I would have apologised and changed the way I was talking about it.

Even if he was in a similar financial position to me, there was still no spark, and that was the biggest thing. I don't really have a list.. the only major things to me I think would be the money thing, the connection and if he wants kids. Oh, and probably being not too much taller than me..

why do you care?

no connection... move on

or if you must convert him ti FLV - you can find out how around 4pm here

You're a very blunt person CP, many people will have a hard time dealing with that and mistake bluntness for rudeness.

Check for KGB razor on findsomeone - he seems like a fiscally motivated young man.

What's FLV? Sounds intriguing.

Jono.. I hope I haven't upset you in the past! I guess I could come across as blunt to someone who hasn't known me for a long time, but I don't like to beat around the bush, and I tend to say things as I see them, tell it like it is, that kind of thing. I'm sorry if I've upset you in the past.. you know I wouldn't have meant to! xx I might be coming back to the same team in February.. we should do the ol' bring-your-own-coffee-and-meet-on-the-airbridge thing again if the job works out.

Bn1.. I couldn't find KGB razor when I searched.. is that you?

I think you should probably get used to this kinda thing if you're gonna carry on with internet dating and be a stickler for the "money values" business...

The guy can really only blame himself if your profile states clearly what you say it does ...

About all you can do is make sure your initial messaging includes some kind of discussion over the important stuff you mention so you know if the guys you meet are broadly in the territory you're looking for or not. If internet dating is anything like looking for flatmates you will find that many people tend to take no notice of what is asked for in written advertising.

Meh, fuck 'em and move on. If he has a problem that doesn't make it yours.



Time is money!

Not at all, but I know you well enough to know it's just how you are.

I can't stand a girl who beats around the bush (so to speak). Sounds like this guy does. Fuck him, email him back and tell him he's a child then block him.

Tell him you will pash him once he has 800K in assets.

This might be a bit old fashioned, but if this is causing you dramas, then why not walk out in to the sunshine (you know outside the house) and meet a real live person

Hell that's expensive, I say drop the price at least a little bit!

Smallminded men usually have a problem with women who are more successful than themselves. I wouldn't worry and I would move on. I think with internet dating, its a lot of weeding out the losers to find the hidden gems. Not that I would know actually, I've never tried! But thats what I reckon. Good luck!

Because the problem she's having isn't anything to do with the medium by which she met the person.

Remove the word "internet" and the sentence is a lot more relevant.

Just came to say: two absolutely solid posts here from kris_b.

Yeah havent come across any guy on internet dating who has been even slightly suitable or cool. One told me what to wear and the other just stared at me most of the night didnt say much. I wont be trying it again anytime soon....It is awkward and hard to filter the idiots as most of them seem to just make shit up on their profiles....Dating and meeting potentials is hardwork.. Forget that guy cp he just took it to heart...but in saying that being money focussed is a bit boring if thats your main want in a guy might attract boring accountant types maybe thats your thing? ....

She lives at home and has no job, and he has a problem with her and he is the "loser"?

Female Logic 101

hey Insanity... go fuck yourself.

What is the 'type'? ...

All I have to say is, "WHAT THE FUCK EVER HAPPENED TO FALLING IN LOVE WITH A NIGGA WITH A BUS PASS!!?!?!"

Whatever, Captain Douche-Canoe

Calm down ..Insanity is right though in a way ....

Exactly! I can see why the guy got a little miffed, it's a bit hypocritical to shun someone for the reasons you did when you've far from being in a better position

actually, he's completely wrong.

"I just got back from travelling so i'm currently living at home, but I have these aspirations and values"

is completely different to

"I'm living at home, and I don't really give a shit about securing my future"

I think his point is more that :

I don't own my own home

is completely different to

I don't own my own home and I don't really give a shit about securing my future

and if its fine for one person to assume that they are the same then why isn't it fine for the other person?


(ps work up to 5%? yeah nah)

Her CV is probably more impressive than most of the people in this thread as well.

Embossed gold leaf?

Raised lettering, pale nimbus... White.

It even has a watermark.

I feel so inadequate

Actually, you're wrong and clearly a fucking dick head, she said he was trying to save for a deposit...he's working, he's saving while she's living at home and has no job and nothing more than fucking pipe dreams of getting her shit together...he's miles ahead of the game compared to her...keep it up, ya fucking champ, special little guy, just keep hanging in there

She owns a house.

Hang on, she said that he didn't really have any solid financial plan. We don't know if he's saving, sounds to me like he's not as she said he was evasive about that line of questioning.

And she didn't call him a loser for that anyway, she was aghast at his completely out of the blue abusive email.

Whether or not you think people living at home under different circumstances are all losers, Insanity, you've got the complete end of the stick in this thread

Sounds like she wants a sugar daddy

This.


And Neil you're a idiot.

*an idiot

No point in correcting any typos i make, i just simply don't care.

btw, the guy has prob been denied a few times and is just frustrated with how everything is going. maybe he felt something with you, maybe he's just pissed he didn't get to shag you. I would just move on. if you search for my old biggie log in - you might find me. hah

btw, the guy has prob been denied a few times and is just frustrated with how everything is going. maybe he felt something with you, maybe he's just pissed he didn't get to shag you. I would just move on. if you search for my old biggie log in - you might find me. hah

By that he means avoid Hithere at all costs

There are a lot of "hithere"s on there. I reckon I know which one is you. Do you save a lot of money on haircuts?

I've now hidden my profile from search results. There are a couple of other guys I've been messaging who *seem* normal, so I'm just going to carry on with them and see if anything happens.

Yes I have a house and I have a fair bit of equity in it, and I love saving and investing and I want to buy more property. Finances are one of those things that if a couple aren't on the same page on, it'll break a relationship up. I don't want to meet a guy who's a spender. I want him to be a saver, like me. If he doesn't love money in the same way I do, it's going to cause a problem in the relationship and it'll go down the toilet.

I don't really want to talk about money and stuff in the online messages, then they might think I'm a golddigger! But I don't want to tell them about my property in case they think "Sweet, a free ride". I'd rather talk about stuff like that in person. If the guy has more assets than me, I totally don't expect to take half if we break up. I'd get an agreement signed so we each keep what we had before we entered into the relationship, even if he's got $2m of equity.

No that was the point.. he's not saving or planning.

Actually more the point of the thread was how out of the blue the angry message was and is there a way to tell which ones are going to suddenly change when you thought things were amicable.

ASL/how much $?

15/f/cali/you asked, so you can't afford me. Nice shoes.. I really like you and I would really like to meet with you.. keen to meet up like tonight, we can meet up by the swings on victoria park? We can hold hands cross the road, I will protect you. What's your mobile phone? I'll txt call you now k. xoxox, p.s I'm still a virgin too 15/f/cali.

wouldn't you prefer that he changes online into psycho guy rather than irl so the filter you set appears to be working just fine?

Most people turn psycho online as they don't actually have the kahunas to do it in real life

Haha, good point spike.

most people will turn psycho if you're discussing long term financial objectives prior to the first date - or at least imo should

looking for love.... financial advice also given

if she is looking for a long term relationship as she appears to be doing then establishing some long term financial objectives is a good strategy for her filtering process as long term financial objectives are intrinsic to a long term financial partnership such as marriage is

you wanna bet?

hahahahaha this sounds so terrible :>

It was the second date.. but I didn't really want to see him again for that second date anyway because I didn't feel any spark on the first date. Well it wasn't really a date.. he'd wanted to take me out for dinner but I declined because he wanted to go out twice in one week, whereas I didn't really want to see him again. I said I was going to Snowplanet, so he wanted to come along. If I had decided to turn psycho IRL I guess I could have whacked him with one of my skis, LOL.

Bah I don't see what's so terrible about loving money! Am I the only one? Money gives you so many opportunities in life. Because of money I've been able to buy a house that pays me money, travel, ski every day in Canada for two winters, and ski 84 days this winter at all 25 ski hills in NZ. Who wouldn't love money? It's awesome!

you obviously love skiing... money is merely a means to that end

in itself its something one should loathe

Leftie luvvies that's who as bob_d just confirmed

right on cue

you're welcome

haha nah, you're definitely not the only one.

The idea of meeting someone, really hitting it off with him but then foregoing any chance of a relationship because he doesn't "love money" seems absurd to me

g_bear = hopeless romantic

Different approaches to money will put a strain on a relationship and it makes sense to filter by that, hell enough people have more absurd filters than money.

That said CP said it in a fairly blunt way. Money is just a concept, to some people money means security, others freedom. Dating someone who sees you as a cash cow is not a good starting foundation. A big variation in ability to earn, especially (sadly) female to male, causes all sorts of problems in the power dynamic of a relationship.

Gbear - would 'filter' a right wing Christian?

This sounds like exactly the sort of thing which half the people in this thread usually imply or say outright they despise - the property investor mindset Kiwi etc.

there is much to despise about the kiwi property investor mindset.... and those whom espouse it

nothing wrong with property ownership nor investments per se

please to give an informed critical analysis of the rights and wrongs of the kiwi property investor mindset bob_d, without once quoting bernard hickey please?

I'm not giving up my preconceptions and stereotypes to you today for free

I want to love the dollar too

oh, alright... buy me dinner sometime and I might

On the topic of property investment the economist magazine has suggested nz prop mkt has gone all bubble wrap and due for 25% correction

there are NR not from the mouth of Bernard

that 25% figure has been cited since before the GFC - remember the sub prime collapse....

reason why the capital gains tax mooted by Labour needs more debate, discussion and imo implementation

in keeping with the theme of the thread CP's disdain at the chaps 5% deposit is in keeping with the risks all too many take with purchasing property - too much speculation assuming prices will rise

all bubble wrap - I guess that passes for informed critical analysis

these daze

"Australia, Britain, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Spain and Sweden all have even higher household-debt burdens in relation to income than America did at the peak of its bubble. Overvalued prices and large debts leave households vulnerable to a rise in unemployment or higher mortgage rates. A credit crunch or recession could cause house prices to tumble in many more countries."

http://www.economist.com/node/21540231


Happy now?

You cared enough to reply

FIlters in general seem absurd to me. If you have something with someone then great. If you don't you don't. That's the only filter I need tbqh.

Dude, my response was to Just*'s reply...that was the one calling him small minded, problem with her, a loser...OP is fine, but IF she's living at home and has no job, it's not exactly a good place to be judging someone elses financial position.

Make sense?

OK, that wasn't known, so makes things a bit better...

Last time I looked we were in recession. Mortgages now cheaper than they were also. Other types of credit kiwis have been busy paying off.

Soooooo.....

ok let's hit 'em where it hurts and fulfill the wish...CGT

But, we don't have the type of mortgages America offered to people at the very low end of the earnings spectrum, nor the job market volatility.

I thought we were out of the rescission.... as of early this year

come on man its good times all round

Might add, all girls should probably have a Night Rider filter. Something like "Do you spout endless nonsensical garbage on internet forums?"

Makes sense apart from that she wasn't judging his financial position, merely stating that his principals re money were different to hers.

I think insanity is on the money with the no filter call

but then I have very low standards

you should be so lucky

nothing to moan about?

I usually reply when someone says something to me, it doesn't necessarily mean i'm interested in the topic.

Well yeah, as stated I think filters are far too new-age to do anyone any real favours

'highly' scientific

Oh okay. Didn't know that. So...

You think relationships are a science? Explains a lot really

awkward

they are a science and an art form

which is kind of why you are failing right now

and my answer?

but of course that's what they're there for

works a treat every time

filters the biartches out nice n' dandy

ENDLESS NONSENSICAL GARBAGE

There already is a capital gains tax.. it's just not enforced properly by the IRD. People are supposed to declare the profits they make on the proceeds of property trades (not selling your own home), but a lot don't. I remember reading somewhere the IRD's got a team dedicated to finding the transactions and making the people pay tax.. as they should. I 'm not planning on selling anway. I'm going to keep it forever and give it to my kids.. if I ever find someone to have them with.

of course there is - it's just been lost in translation

and in multitudinous leqc's and family trusts

but that's a whooooole different ball game and much too difficult for election campaigns and media sound bites au

Whenever i open the lounge page and see this thread i see "psychos on dating sites" and the name "Night Rider" next to it

don't talk of yourself this way spike

*here have an avcill and chill*

I just seen yours and known it wuz true

Love won't feed your kids.

There's nothing wrong with being a little practical.

Nice straw man there buddy...

I think all girls probably do..

Cyber princess your filter ought to be if the guy isn't playing this when he comes to pick you up you end the date then and there..