More cancer shit

Sorry if this is a bit heavy for a Monday morning but meh!

I posted a while back about a good friend who has spinal leukemia... we were told about two weeks ago that there is nothing more the doctors could do for him. So it's pretty shit.

He got married last weekend and it was so shocking seeing him, (first time in a month) he's about 45kgs has no sense of smell/taste and lost most of his hearing... Not really the way you want to remember such a close friend but anyway.

Yesterday him and the wife flew back to Chile, (where the care for him is substandard) as this is where he's from and he's accepted his fate. He wants to be with his family which is fair enough... The doctors haven't given him a time frame, but I'm assuming it's not terribly long considering how fast he has gone down hill.

HOWEVER, it's me and the boy who are struggling. We most likely won't see him again and it's to difficult to even comprehend... we asked him if there was anything we could do and he simply said "keep smiling".. Which we're trying to do but it's a little hard to get your head around.

SO some/any advice on how to deal with this shit ass situation would be amazing.

only advice I can give is you & ya boy should have a few drinks and talk about all the good times you all had... celebrate the life & your memories and not try not focus on the impeding death and your feelings of helplessness etc (there is nothing you can do)

and keep smiling

I have a photo of spacecadet (biggie that died from cancer in 2003) that sits on my dresser to remind me of her, I smile everytime I see it.

Send him a card, or even a letter telling him things you like about him and times together you enjoyed. Maybe include photos if you have any. Obviously you need to try and pitch this right for the kind of person he is. He may be receptive to people in a different way now. He may be in denial about his approaching death. Send flowers if he's the sort of guy who would be ok with that, or send the flowers to his wife to support her and let her know how much you have appreciated him. Spend time with your partner talking about him and the qualities he has that you can both learn from. Construct something in your home (images, flowers, words/stories) as an appreciation of him while this process is happening.

Theres a thread a while back that I posted with 2 family members (old) and a family friend (young) going through end of life type stuff. Everyone and every situation is different so theres no right advice but heres my experience.

For everyone its different but there were some funny situations that kept bring it up in my mind. I was asked to make a media box for the family friend, I bought a computer and then thought what on earth do I put on it? Happy movies, sad movies, emotional movies? I sat there trying to work out what I would want to do in the last few weeks of my life and how I would want other people to relate to me.

There were people who meant well but were more focused on themselves (what am *I* going to do when hes gone).
There were people that wouldnt let the person be sad, any time to convo touched on an unhappy thought they would jump in even when it was the person dying who wanted to discuss those topics.
The people who shone were the people that a) had been through it before b) realised that the best thing to do is look after the dying persons interests.

I think by talking about it to the person, explaining your feelings (concisely) and talking to them about their feelings then ultimately you do the best for that person and hopefully make yourself feel good enough about it while you come to terms with it.

I think I would want people to celebrate our good times together (cliché I know) and time with the important people to say goodbyes and maybe help them come to terms with things.

Then maybe I would watch movies as a distraction.

The one thing I would suggest is, without going overboard or anything, start a small list of things you want to do before your time comes to an end. I'm sure the last days/weeks/ months will be that much nicer if you look back at some cool experiences. Even my granny who is now in a dementia ward remembers some cool stuff she did when she was young and WWII had its moments too.

^^^^^^^^^^




Sounds like he's made peace with his fate, try and take a leaf out of his book. It's hard because on the one hand he's already gone from your lives, having left, but he's not actually gone yet. Maybe you should treat it like he really has?