How do you scare the drunks away?????

i've gotta mate that when she's being bothered by the drunks come along with their not so smooth moves she asks them if she can lick their eyeball.....



...never seen anyone run that fast

thanx 4 that one I will use that...my friends and I just use the scary dike bitch moves but ...bloody males they like that

Tell them theres a big bunch of girls dancing topless at the fats!

hehe, and there probably would be too... (on tables no less!)

I love that place... nah, screw that place.

so Marko, you'd be right up for Sir t and my trip to dance on tables at the fats then??

Come on Mark, we all know the truth

Marko-Could you please do me a big arse favour?! I want to beef up a little, can you recommend what would be an acceptable daily diet?

LOL@Heavenly-Still keen as mustard?!?



...Appropriate would have been the better word

Sex, drugs, dancing...

Sir T: Pies, followed by beer, with pies, and McDonalds and Pies and KFC and pies - also copious amount of lazing on the couch watching Opera should do it

Heavenly-Can I watch Sally Jesse too..........please!!!!!!!!

ok, but ONLY if you are eat pies for the full hour of its duration

Sir - Mate, you can sit in your room and watch Walker Texas Ranger all day.

Its a done deal.

What pies would you recommend I start on?!

Quasi-I already do that mate, but I think im in for a change here. Pies, followed by beer, with pies, and McDonalds and Pies and KFC and pies - also copious amount of lazing on the couch watching Opera should do it! Sounds like the go me thinks!

Fuck the dog, it can take its own lazy little arse for a walk!

I'm up for anything! (hmmmmmmmmmm, no filth intended).

righto Sir T, you've go to eat lots basically (not too much crap tho) and do some sort of resistance training.

Oatmeal, chicken, beef, rice... all the boring stuff eh.

Or u could buy some 'massive weight gain 2000'!

hhhmm, I think the best ones for bulking up would be beef and cheese cause you get maximum fattiness not only from the fatty mince but ALSO from the lardy cheese - go for ones with loads of pastry though, pasty is well know for it's fattening properties

Cheers for that Marko, appreciated

Aunt Heavenly-Would you say that it would be best to eat a 6 pack in one sitting or save 3 for Opera and 3 for Sally Jesse?!? Or should I just buy Irvines Family size meat pies and have one for Opera and one for SJ?! Which would be more beneficial?

Yours Fattening

*Name and adress supplied*

Dear confused lightweight:
I would suggest not splitting the 6 pack, it depletes it's efficiency if you split it into two sittings. Therefore I would suggest that if you are really dedicated to bulking up you should in fact have one 6 pack for Opera and another 6 pack specially for Sally Jesse.
I suggest you in fact buy cartons of 6 Irvines single serve pies. That way you can match yourself beer for pie (ie: ingesting the beer with the pie). If you manage to get through 6 pies and 6 beers during Opera and then another 6 beers and pies during Sally, you can consider it a job well done. If you keep this up consistently every week day you will turn into a tubby lard in no time at all

Aunty Heavenly

haha nice work dude!

ditto heavenly!

now Marko was it you I was talking to about varsity yesterday? you did marketing?

Trancey heres a few tips for ya

When building muscle start off on lower weights and slowly increase them.. the way muscle builds is that when you use the muscles and they start to hurt you're actually damaging the muscle and its then repairing itself by building on what was there hence the growth in bulk. If you just go straight to large weights you'll strain the muscle too much and it will just tear and have trouble reforming.

Also in regards to food eat heaps of protein rich foods, Potatoes,white chicken meat, breads cereals fruits etc but remember that you will put on weight due to the increase in body pat due to protein enrichment but the muscle you're building will draw off that fat to heal,repair and build itself .......

Any more help give me a toot

cereal?? fruit?? are you out of your mind, pies is what he needs and lots of bed rest - don;t undoo all my good work jeff!

Dear Aunt Heavenly,

Will keep to this strict 'bulking' diet and will hopefully be on way to becoming a 'Tubby lard' in no time. You have saved my life, Im am forever greatful.

Getting fatter by the minute.

thank god - don't listen to Jeff, he is talking crazy! he doesn;t know what he's on about. Believe me, I have tried this diet and it works wonders darling!

its that how you got your figure heavenly ???

yip, c how well it worked for me??

Listen to jeffthechef trance dude, he's spot on!

yup, heavenly that's me, I only did it to 2nd year though (advertising and promotion). Did u work out at unipol at all?, u might of recognised me from there.

haha but look at me trim fit fast as fuck quicker than jack lightning more energy than a viking bar in a bottle of red bull though I need to get back to building things a little my frame is a little too slight

Thanks for the tips there Jeff Will give you a 'toot' if anything else arises!

But I think that Aunt Heavenly's advice is more update and correct and I will gain a a debut in the film industy from this. I can see it now-"People who are to fat to get out of bed, and are X-members of the KKK, who have had a threesome with some extra-terrestials who cheated on life forms from another planet"-Jerry Springer.

Ahhh I cant wait

nah, world (sometimes) and contours (not very often).

SiR T - What time are we gonna cruise over to Welly? I'm starting to get some greif from the old man.........

Oh and Sir T, if ur gonna lift weights (assuming u haven't before), get someone to show u how (properly that is), cause otherwise u could really fuk ur shit up.

I'll turn you into Sir Lardalot in not time at all.

anywho, i thought we were talking about drunks... when r u guys off to the fats???? I might come along and have a good laugh, just as long as we're not there for more than 10mins cause that place is yuck!

I have trouble scaring away drunks casue I feel mean being mean to them so I usually just hide. Actaully haven't been around many drunks lately. mmmm the fats, mmmm drunk guys, mmmmm table dancing,mmmm $2.00 jugs - all my favourite things!!!

Heavenly-Thank you very much for you lard arse giving information, lets go to McD's

Marko-Thanks for all the help buddy!

You guys are the shite!!!!!!!!!!


We are off to the fats when we have finsihed our Kriztov 62, *Hurry up Heavenly, scull scull scull*

Do they have jugs at the fats??

i might be keen too hehe

alright, hang on i'll have to take my big mac out of my mouth first

Heavenly when I come to welly can we go for a drink...I like pubs too

mmmm and we can get bad pizza there now too!!!

Quasi-I think it would be better for me to stay home tonight and study for my Exam tommorow

But keen to go over tommorow!

u should soooooooooooo be mean to them, play with there minds a bit... it could be fun. At the very least get them to buy u some drinks, they may as well be useful for something.

of course funky munky - pubs are your friend - never forget that!! waht kind of pubs do you like?? loungy, studenty, old man's pub?

Wooooohooooooo bad pizza!!! Oh can we please go on a wednesday so we can have a sausage sizzle too, then we can go outside and paint the pavements.

I feel mean getting people to buy me drinks when I ahve no intention of "following through" - people never buy me drinks hint hint)

ok, I think next wednesday we should do this jsut for a laugh, plus Sir lard it really should be part of your training...

mmm pavement painting my favorite passtime

hey jeffthechef, didn't get a chance to bowl up to u on saturday night, but I like ur raving style dude... all class.

any pubs good for me..I especially like the crusty old men pubs hehehe I worked in one overseas and it was an irish one but on Saturday nights thay had Country Western night and they dressed up like them and had these old pint glasses with there cowboy names on them and hahahaha it was so funny they sang karaoke lol

cheers dude ...

lots of things culminating in one point in time

you've just got to be more of a tease heavenly

Crikey! nice one geezer!! Hve you been to wgtn? to do like Vespa?

i'm just about to head to vespa this very moment some drinks and pool i think

no I can't!!! I would feel silly! I can tease people I know but not people I don't.

I LOVE vespa!!!

Ive only been to wellington once...cringe I know I know, I came down for Robbie Williams cause I think hes sexy!!!!!! and we were so charged up on speed that we couldnt handle it it town so we went to the backpackers and sat in our room getting stoned

me too!!!

Whats Vespa like???

your cds finished

well baby! we'll show you a wicked time when you get here!!

funky groovey classy at times

whos cd

yay! my cd jeff??

Vespa is kinda lounge varish. Big couches, kinda red lighting, pool tables, cool bar very wicked!!! nice and laxed out.

both of yours and heavenly's

oops varish = barish

Hey I hear theres an imposter munky on biggie..calls himself funky munky???

sounds good that can be first on my itinerary...Thanks Jeff how am I gonna get it???

2moro at lunch hopefully either that or my works just down from there

Yoji Biomehanika was on that night Funky, shoulda charged on to that!

Do you guys like Jet Lounge?! Love the place for a bar

oh well off to drink se you all tomorrow hopefully

when we take you to vespa!

Its spelt FUNKY MONKEY-Who is this imposter person

*Smithers release the hounds*

Enjoy your drinks and pool Jeff, bust a groove on the pool table

me likes vespa too!!!! used to be my fav. but now Jet's up there with me... mmmmmmmmmmmm vodka and red bull

they kicked me out for doing that last time man

ooohhhhm yeah I forgot about Jet. I LOVE jet - the downstair is wicked and the fucky way they chill your glasses!!

Jeff Im not in welly so I will have to come down to pick it up

no worries

lol @ heavenly whts the fucky way????

or I could send it.... talk about it tomorrow I gotta go now.... ciao y'all

Wow munky you still her you sexy thang. Addicted eh!

Munky did you see my husband in those pics the other day.

*here* lol - I know your a her

oh shit - I meant funky!! haha

What they do is chill your glass with soda water first and then tip it out and put the real drink in but I thought the soda water WAS my real drink and started drinking it -

Bugger. It sucks when an authorative (ie-manager) figure tells you to stop your self expressive nature (ie-dancing)

Hey jeff before u go!! u can give it to Sir T 4 me

what's the cd jeff's putting together for y'all????
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, is it hardhouse, i luv that shit!

Just listening to a paul van dyk remix of rapture... that tune fuken rocks!!!!

Hey sunshine ...yip I go off and on biggie all day now .

My names munky and Im a biggie-a-holic

it's a hardhouse cd Jeff has made for some of us - get him to make you a copy

Hi munky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's great, the first step in rehabilitation is admitting that you've got a problem, well done! *big hug*

Thanx Marko