Does the sex friend thing ever work?

Before anyone jumps down my throat, who cares if I'm positing stuff like this. If it gets your knickers in a twist just save your energy and don't post, and let it sink by itself and dissapear.

The whole fuck buddy / sex friend thing has never ever been something I've wanted to do. Done the casual sex thing pretty regularly when I was younger, but as I got older I stopped really enjoying it. But, about 5 weeks ago I started to see this chick who's a few years older than me, and for the first time ever, it seems to be really working. We catch up maybe twice a week, hang out, chat, cuddle and are starting to have some really good sex. But, there's no expectations that it'll lead onto anything more, and she's actually heading overseas soon for a short trip to see some guy she's interested in ... and none of this bothers me. We talked about how what we have is really working - just being lovers without any expectations. We have mutual friends and no one else knows. It's like our secret cause we don't want to be judged or have people asking us what's going on or where things are going.

But yeah, 5 weeks in and it's so working. I wasn't too sure it would as I've always been a bit heart on the sleeve-esk ... but even though there's a lot of affection and cuddles, I'm actually fully cool about us being lovers and nothing more.

Anyone else done the lover / sex friend thing? Is it still working or did it end in tears? Does it always have to end in tears or is this just about expectations and boundaries not being ideal for both people?

It actually works really well when traveling.

we fell in love and now have a son lol.

Ended up in a relationship.

Communicate and it should work for a while at least. Having an end in sight to the relationship can be good but given most relationships end up broken it is unrealistic to not continue just because it might end up finishing up.

Enjoy it and keep checking things are working for both of you.

Yeah, it's weird, but it's really working. Over the last 5 years or so when I've started having sex with someone, the almost immediate intention is wondering where things will go. Had a couple holiday flings 2008 where the expectation were that things would just be a once off ... but with a lot of girls that I've dated I've just jumped in head first and immediately associated sex and cuddles with the potential start of something more. 12 hours after I arrived back in NZ in April 2010 I hooked up with this chick at a party and got so serious about things so quick. Fully freaked her out, which is totally understandable ... and things ended.

But, this time round with no expectations at all I'm actually totally OK about having sex and being affectionate without wondering if things will develop further. It's hard to put my finger on why I'm in such a good heap space about things. Partying less probably helps, and I kinda think that doing yoga every day counts for something too.

Anyway, who knows. It's really working right now, and like people have said, I'm sure if communication stays open things will be fine.

So, anyone else got a regular lover who they're not actually dating at the moment?

I really dislike the word lover.

Its not as bad as 'panties'.

Hey panties is a glorious word! mmmm panties

Anyways Itchy, hope its making you happy and all but 5 weeks isn't really a long time.

Yes the sex friend thing can work, but not indefinitely.. tends to run through the lifecycle quickly.. also generally only works if said 'friend' is more of an aquaintence than a close friend you would normally spend a reasonable amount of time with...

Guess its important to know when things are over with these sorts of interactions...

Yeah doesn't sound like a friend at all -- just some chic you bangin...

def works for a short period of time - any longer then you step into relationship territory or someone falls in 'love' and the other person doesn't.

panties is what as 12yo girl wears. ewh.

Yeah it worked for a while with me, then the bastard got paroled.

*No more tears*

I had a recurring one-night stand with someone before I left the country to go to London (many year ago). In some ways it worked really well, and it didn't end badly at all - but I think for her it complicated things. I think you have to be careful that those sorts of things are not one-sided.

I had just broken up with someone who I was still in love with, and the sex and company was exactly what I needed, but I didn't put myself into it as a relationship. I think she wanted more, and then put off going out with this other guy to see if we were going anywhere. But it's all good now, they've ended up together and they're perfect for each other - and one day they'll get married.

She's more like a friend of a friend I guess so not someone who I was actually friends with first ...

Of course it works. Both of you get what you want. :>

You are just as bad as my boy. He thinks its fabulous too and takes great joy in upsetting my sensitive nature by whispering it in my ear. Yous suck!

That's pretty much it. It's working now. As for the future, who knows? It might get messy or you both might move on burdened with nothing more than some extra footage in the wank bank

congrats Itchy

Although, reading between the lines this might be working just a little too well for you to move on easily - you appear to be meeting for more than just sex

Yeah, that's probably a fair call. We hang out, chat and cuddle so it's not like it's a purely physical sex thing ... but we've talked about it and are both clear about where the boundaries are and that although we're putting good energy into this and being affectionate etc there aren't any expectations on things to develop. For me, it's really clear cut as when we hooked up she had plans (which I fully encouraged) to go to Vanuatu to see some Aussie guy she'd hooked up with a few months back.

Like I said, in the past I've never been able to do the whole casual regular sex thing, but right now it's totally working for me. Kinda fun being the toy boy too

Does she knit you stuff??

Nah, but I do get to borrow the zimmar frame sometimes

Something like that!

on that note, care to define "a few"

7

Oh nice to see Itchy on biggie making threads about the many woman hes had/got and his travels.. Kind of feels like a website I was previously on

Oh nice to see Itchy on biggie making threads about the many woman hes had/got and his travels.. Kind of feels like a website I was previously on

Nice to see you posting nothing of substance as per usual ...

hahaha mon!!
tell us more about your sex life bro..

He needs a whole forum of his own: HOME > DISCUSSION TOPICS > ITCHYVILLE: SEXUAL AND GEOGRAPHICAL CONQUESTS.

Alternatively: www.livejournal.com

So we're heading down to Ohakune to get some time on the snow Wednesday onwards. Probably gonna hang there until the weekend, maybe Monday.

My life > Your life

Oh yeah, and how could I forget - then my ex from Japan rocks up on the 13th for a week. Be cool to see her. We're just friends now but she'll be fun to spend some time with.

I think it's real cute that you and Monique make the effort to come in here and post in itchy's threads when you already know they will be about his sex life <3

totes cuties!

They've just replaced Jenn and Fboy as my constant haters

So, took the cougars son to swimming lessons today, picked him up from daycare in afternoon as she was busy and read him a story before bed ... hmmmm, don't know how casual this really is anymore

Sounds like a ploy for a free babysitter

Ha ha, fucken probably! Her sons stoked cause she's just had a male flatmate move in so he's now getting a lot of positive male contact

Sounds like typical cougar behaviour

it better be Jenn

Jenn's at least 5 years younger than me ...

Jeeze *MikeE* you're not paying attention!! It says right up there, scroll up, go on, we'll wait, this woman is a few years older than Itchy! And then OneHappy quoted him and asked how much older is a few years and he replied 7! It's RIGHT THERE in the thread!! To the back of the class!

Call your self a follower... pffft.

Sounds like you should start charging bro

Jeez you like the dusty ones don't you

I think everyone has covered your question though, seems to work ok for a period.

Depends what you mean by "work". Isnt the whole idea based on the concept of short term convenient and agreeable nookie? Obviously it "works" then

Well, surprise surprise it's stopped working for me. Headed to Ohakune together on Wednesday and spent a really good 3 days together. Did some skiing, ate some good food, drunk some wine, did a wee bit of partying and just spent most days going to cafes, drinking coffee, reading in bed and sexing it. Anyway, headed back via Rotorua where we soaked in some geo thermal stream I know of and came back Friday after what had been a really nice and close few days ... and now she's kinda fobbed me off and I've realised that I can't do the casual thing with her anymore.

It's weird, cause we talked about this twice while on our little holiday and I was so fine about things until maybe yesterday ... and something just changed. Anyway, guess I'll catch up with her over next few days and we'll have a chat. Yeah, casual was working yesterday, but I guess I just want a bit more.

So I guess the answer to the original question of this thread is...for a while, but not forever.

As I was reading this it had a girl you were banging, Ohakune & I was like all that's missing is a Japan reference... I thought there's no way you could get a tri-factor in one post. I was wrong.

Glad to see things havn't changed

It's just too easy to get the trifactor win sometimes!

Yeah, so I guess the whole friend with benefits things falls into the works-for-a-while category ... thought I was all good to do that but obviously casual doesn't work for me after you've been hanging out for 6 weeks or so. I guess one thing that changed how I felt was she'd pulled out of that pre planned trip to Vanuatu to see that guy ... wasn't because of me (police instigated shit had gone down between her friends overseas) so it just wasn't a great idea for her to rock up and get involved ... but I guess on some level I thought she'd made some choice about wanting a bit more with me .. dunno

Feeling greast today though. Slept well, did 50min of yoga when I woke up. So, it's not like I'm in some real neg head space ... might try to catch up with her today though and talk.

mind and body not so easy to dissociate....

It's not really a casual fuck buddy thing when you're babysitting her kid and going away on fucking holiday together.

All of my friends are gross so I won't be able to give you any solid advice sorry. I can only sleep with someone I'm head over heals for and for the past 7 months everyone I meet disgusts me so I think I'm destined to grow old and acquire lots of cats.

If you think about this logically. Turning a friendship into more loving/intimate relationship that involves sex is the best course of action!

If you think about it, why would you want to spend time with someone you have trouble relating to? How long does the stimulation of sexual gratification actually last, compared to how much longer lasting joy you actually get from spending time with someone you like?

How people had to suffer way more because they slept with way too many people, in a relationship with someone who are incompatible outside of sex.

Alot of "boring" married couples are actually very happy.

The bottom line is our intentions, are we in the relationship to gratify ourselves or are we actually mutually benefitting eachother with our compassion?

How about all those things being present but just without any expecttations that a relationship has to flow on from it?