Att cyber_princess.. and anyone else

Just wondering how you’re going with the whole online dating thing.. I was thinking of signing up .. though am not sure if I should but would be good at least to get some “dating” experience again….. with no expectations. I’ve joined a car club too for people with cars like mine …. so will meet up with those guys soon for a bbq I should be the only chick possibly…. seriously if at least one of them doesn’t like me then I must be a total dud haha.. but at least I might make some guy mates which are always gold. ? ahhhhhh dating n things hrmmmmmmm. Oh well gotta start somewhere. (again I sound like a totes loser but I guess I’m too old to really give a rats … sorta).

Good luck with the gang rape @ the car club :>

fuck it does sound dodgy aye.. haha nah they seem cool and can help me with stuff on my car I'm sure.

or .... yeah.

They'll be able to help you gap your sparkplugs alright mmmhmmm

nah they'll be cool and helpful as I want to do some stuff on my car but don't know where to start so they'll help me I'm sure.. that's the point of the club I think.. not banging.

lol...or lube the (drive) shaft

What kinda car, QT?

Ever tried speed dating? Can't says I have, but reckon it'd be kinda funny and interesting...get a mate to go with, have a few drinks, meet 20 people in 2 hours and see what happens

"Dating" in general is a foreign concept to me...always been random shags which you might have seen a few times, but knew nothing was going to come of it, or chance meetings/friends of friends I've hooked up with and just fallen into a relationship with...sure, we went on "dates", but it didn't feel like "dating"

Yeah I'm in the same boat tbh. It's the Wellington way. As I've got older I've done the dating thing, but it always seems forced and contrived. Got a lot better at subduing those feelings though.

I have a FTO as above.. umm yeah speed dating probably not

It actually looks better now, I spent yesterday polishing the mags and things..

I've been trying to convince the missus to go speed dating with me for a laugh for ages now but no luck yet

Yeah tease the single people. that's a laugh

!!!

It's a bit hit and miss (mostly miss), but that's the nature of dating.. you date different people concurrently until you find someone that's worthwhile to form a proper relationship with. I didn't date before, because it seemed a North American concept, but when I was living in Canada I dated a few times, so I'm just carrying it on here. Here's a rundown of some of the guys I've been interacting with on Findsomeone (they all initiated contact wth me):

Psycho - well everyone on biggie already knows what happened with this one

No Spark Guy - everyone here also knows what happened with this one (I wrote a nice, delicately worded email and told him unfortunately I didn't feel a spark and would like to keep looking)

Guy Who Seemed Like A Good Match - we went on a coffee date and both agreed we'd like to go out again, but after a few more emails back and forth the following week, he wrote and told me that he's changed his mind about wanting to see me again. I wrote back and said that I was glad to have met him and wished him well finding someone.

Old Freak - 46 year old man looking for mid 30s women because he "may want to have children in the future". I wrote back asking if he knew that mens fertility declined with age and risk of genetic abnormalities increases. He wrote back joking that he'd better get a move on. I wrote back saying "Good luck " and he wrote back saying "Don't need luck hun". Don't "hun" me you old pervert, you DO need luck, and a life. No mid 30s woman who wants kids is going to waste their time on a has-been with shitty sperm like him. As you can see, I'm still angry about his "last retort" and am trying to think of my own suitable last retort.

Filipino Guy - bad engrish and kept replying with 3 emails for my every one reply. I couldn't see it going anywhere so I closed it off saying I didn't feel a connection. He was good about it and wished me luck.

6'4" Pervert - on the second email he made a suggestion about stand-up-blow-job because I'm 5'1". Immediate deletion.

Incomplete Profile Guy - wrote to me because he had a feeling we'd become good friends and wanted me to wait for him to complete his profile. It's been over a month and his profile still doesn't have much in it and the email conversation's stalled.

Accident Prone Guy - can't really see myself dating this guy based on his profile photo but we've been emailing platonically for a couple of months and now he wants to meet so I don't know what to do.

Seemlngly Promising Guy - sounds very similar to me in his profile and he suggested meeting on his first email, so even though I'd rather email more before meeting, I'm meeting him for coffee this Saturday (yes I know, coffee dates are bad!)

Then there are The Opportunists. Guys who write some lame email with having hardly read my profile who write "Hi, how are you?" or something stupid just because I'm currently online. I wait at least 2 days before opening their emails and replying, and I never reply to an email if the person is currently online.

Thanks heaps for sharing.. but seems like one word. Lame. Ok I’m not even going to bother with it that would do my head in I dont have much patience.
Will just do what I was originally going to.. get fit, take on more sporting activities and make a better effort to meet new people. But first plan is to get a hot bod and get fit … starting today.

GOD dating again gah. I'm thinking about jumping in the old dating pool again.... a little gun shy and having just ended a shitty five year relationship with an abusive guy (who I'm lucky enough to have a kid with).... I'm wondering if it's too soon.

It would be nice to be reminded there are some decent guys out there but I'm not looking for anything serious or even a root. Maybe just a couple of nice dinners and some conversation lol.

Fuck knows probably got too much baggae and not enough time at the moment.... between being full time mummy, working three days a week, studying 1-2 nights a week, trying to have some down time for me - oh and also starting a wicked ass mediation/custody battle *YEY* God knows when I'd fit it in.

blah.

Seriously, you seem fine, just jump in there and get meeting everybody. The hot body and all that can develop at the same time, don't wait for something so trivial to happen before you get on with your life. It's just procrastination.

I used to do this all the time.

First time on a date with a girl, duck into the toilets for a little line of speed. Takes away all the awkwardness and ensures great conversation!

I go on lots of dates, i love dating.. meeting new people, eating out etc.

.. Im just gonna get as hot as I can and go for it...and be realistic Im not 19 anymore and dont have guys lining up to go out with me as they used to but Im not gonna settle. MissMinx Ive been there and at the end of the day, you might not think now, but we are better for it because we know what we dont want and at last theyre not our partners anymore ... I would probably have 6 kids if I was still with him and be miserable.

.. Im just gonna get as hot as I can and go for it...and be realistic Im not 19 anymore and dont have guys lining up to go out with me as they used to but Im not gonna settle. MissMinx Ive been there and at the end of the day, you might not think now, but we are better for it because we know what we dont want and at last theyre not our partners anymore ... I would probably have 6 kids if I was still with him and be miserable.

Heh. ohhhh yeah

Surely the sites are a bit shit and don't help. What would you change about them? What do you like about them?

I'd change a lot of the people on them. Also I'd get rid of the free accounts option.

Seriously, you seem fine[/quote] lol. is that gangster "fine" or just fine...You better mean gangster fine :X heh.

My suggestion is to be patient and exercise some realism when vetting potential partners. I think cyber princesses expectations seem somewhat unrealistic, if you are dismissing potentials on the basis of one answer they gave you then its goig to be a long hard road out there

Lets face it...once you get to your age...all th really awesome/perfect peopleare already taken. So whoever you take on is going to have their own flaws/issues/baggage, and if you really want to be a relationship you are goig to have to work with those. Not to mention exercise enough self awreness to realise you almost certainly have a few warts of your own.... a lot of the really successfull relationships I know of are really good at this understanding/accepting/compromise type steez

Oh and dont date people who want to meet "immediately"...that just stinks of player or desperation, anyone serious would surely want to vet you a little further than one or two messages

The whole online dating thing is just awkward.... imo.

I'm not that old I dont think and I dont look that old so am hoping to nab a younger guy to be honest.. I'm not super "mature" so someone younger would be better for me...who knows... I just want someone funny and sporty.. not too much to ask for ?

Not trying to ber a c*nt or anything, but dont you complain of being over weight?.... plus your a mom right? (not that I think thats a hinderance, but many guys will)

Why would someone young outgoing and sporty and presumably hot/fit want to hook up with you when they can choose from a bunch of younger girls who re also fit and dont have kids?

See what I mean? If yioure single and you dont like it perhaps the problem isnt the field but your expectations. I mean...you might find that guy but most guys in that category are probably only going to want to root you, so finding a genuine one will take patience, and ....putting out lots

.. I’m aware people think single mums are plebs who should settle for what they can get so thanks for your comments to highlight that fact .. but fuck that, I know what I want and am certain I’ll get it ... Not all the good guys are in relationships etc plus plenty are coming out of them too bad marriages etc..

People dont think that at all, youve misunderstood me Im not talking about "settling"

Which one(s) were you referring to? I haven't closed off any based on one answer.. except 6'4" Pervert and that was on his second email, not first.


God, now it all feels so hopeless, gee thanks Maestro.. I was all optimistic before reading this! Yes I know that I will have my own flaws, but considering I've only had two boyfriends and the last one ended 12 years ago I guess I'll just re-discover what they are if/when I start another relationship, because it's been so long I've forgotten how I am in relationships, I just know how I am when I'm on my own. I love being on my own. I don't really want a relationship - it's just that I want kids. And that means (to me) I have to get married.

Just ignore his comments I am.

Sure just ignore me and stay single in la-la-la land...youre good at that

Why say that for you asshole. I haven't actually attempted to date properly so how would you know. GTFO

Mistake.

Its not hopeless at all cyber princess....if you think about what Im saying it could make things a lot easier

I just think that people who have been single a long time get caught up in this notion that everything has to be perfect in relationships. All Im sayiung is if you set this criteria and refuse to budge from it, its goping to take a long time and youre going to need to be lucky to find that perfet person

Instead...you could take somneone flawed and work with them a bit

Not true.

well not "all" of them obviously, but that vast majority are

Or in your case, a LOT...

I know where you're coming from and I get it I've already gone out and met a few guys from Findsomeone and have been open minded.. but if I don't feel a spark or any remotely sexual attraction, is it fair on either person to keep going on platonic dates? I think if there's no spark by the end of the second date there probably won't be one, so it's better to end it and keep looking. I'm definitely not looking for someone perfect because I know that's unrealistic. People aren't perfect and we all have our annoying traits and flaws. I'm just looking for someone that I click with. I've been replying to all the emails I've been receiving from guys after looking through their profile, so it's not like I just ignore their email or anything. I feel like I give the potential relationships a chance.

In many cases you could day that..... takes one to know one

Yes exactly. But then i remembered we're talking about NZ (in QTRARO's case).. and that number all of a sudden got a lot smaller

QT maybe move to australia, there's plenty of hot singles in their 30's here

Post your photo so the biggie massif can decide if you're hot or not :p

I'm not single and i wasn't referring to myself

but i know a shit load of single people who would fall into that category.

This seems like a horrible mindset to be in when looking for a relationship imo...

Why do you need to get married? I know quite a few successful, intelligent women (and you seem to be in this group as well) who made conscious decisions to be single mothers and they are all incredibly happy about it.

Good luck

Fairt enough Cyber princess I was mkore directing my responses at QT's criterea anyway. I just (partly) read your psycho thread though and didnt really think that someone being a bit vague on financial issues was a good reason to dismiss them out of hand

I mean...I can think of a couple of male friends who were extremely fiscally irresponsible in their late 20's and turned that around in their early 30's. One purely did it on their own and the other got it under controll via a gf's influence. Maybe you just need to be the one that controls the purse strings

Holy cow Are you saying what you mean here?

Strangely enough I loved dating in Wellington, maybe because there were so many good restaurant that ranged from date 1 to date 3, but yeah, I guess you're right most dates followed a chance hook up rather than actually asking a girl out.

I'm actually starting to think the whole never meet someone in a bar thing is true, the last two girls I've been into I meet through a mate (worked with him - admittedly in a bar but I didn't meet her in one), and in a class I was taking. If it doesn't work out I'm thinking I need to undertake more non bar related activities - probably save a lot of cash while I'm at it.

Hotness is over rated, it doesnt last.... and most hot people are vain insufferable gits anway. I thought we wree talking long term partners.... in which case surely personality and potential to be a good parent are more cruicial factors

+ agree with gummi letting go of the must_get_married thing is optimal

Maybe you should give her "advise" I sure as shit dont want to read your comments.

It just sounds like life is made so much more difficult being a single mother, and I'd want the child to have a loving father figure in his/her life. It seems unfair on the child to put my wants of having kids over their needs of having a father. How did your friends do it while maintaining their career and financial goals?

LOL that was a tongue-in-cheek post, there was a :p at the end!

The psycho guy I knew on the first date there was no chemistry, so even if he did have the same money values as me, there was no future in it.

I don't know tbh, but I suspect having a supportive family made a lot of difference

Sorry I'll try again


ooooo you go girlfriend! You'll get that young fit amusing handsome guy no problem! And he will be a lovely chap who will 4sure treat you and your daughter really well!

...


that what you were looking for?

Yep...I was actually talkign to that clown davil

Fuck off.

Why so angry QT?

Not angry really, just irritated.

QTRARO, it may help to create a free profile on Findsomeone and untick the option to show your profile in search results and matches, then do a search on the criteria you want in a guy. Then you can lurk and look at people's profiles to see what kind of people are on the site. A lot of the guys don't help their cause by having their profile photos looking like they just got out of bed, you can only see part of their face or it's really far away, or they're with a group of friends so you don't know which one is the person.

Thanks I might give that a go ? be good to have a nosey at least.

Yeah, because chicks on dating sites NEVER use misleading photos, unlike those shiftless lying men!

Again, entirely not true. Dude these are just your own biased, jaded & cynical views. They are far from correct.

All the awesome people in late 20's, 30's are already taken? Most hot people are vain and insufferable gits?

lolololol, these generalizations are so far from the truth, they're ridiculous statements to make.

Hilarious.

Insufferable gitness is in the eye of the beholder I guess ^_^

Im exaggerating with the vain gits remark davil But it has an element pof truth to it, most good looking people ARE vain after all

definetly stand by the other statement though, and Im sure you will realise its correct when you think it through. Unless you are one of these people who think just about everyone "is awesome"

everyone IS awesome though

No but in all seriousness, i did think about your other statement and i don't agree.

Although i was being serious earlier that your statement is probably a lot more relevant in NZ.

But i know a lot of people who would be a great catch and are single in their late 20's early 30's. I mean.. just because someone is "awesome" doesn't mean their relationship is going to last, so will eventually become single again and again until they get married. And a lot of people aren't marrying off now until at least mid 30's.

And even marriage isn't bound to last these days....

ok well...I guess we are thinking about it differently. I think of "awesome" as like.... top 3%. Ok Umm. ..I'll try to expl;ain....lets assume you could build a legit rating machine of person awesomeness

To give you an idea how that works and my line of thinking, heres a candidate

Girl, age 20

Utterly Gorgeous
Smart
Educated
Great mother (potential)/family orientated
Kind
Level headed
Smoking body
Highborn with money
Excellent persoanlity/conversationlist

Girl like that....scored 98/100 on the "awesome machine" and qualified as "awesome"...now...let me ask you another question

....

Do you think this girl still still be single at 30?

Exactly heaps of people come out of relationships all the time.. and if I keep myself busy with sports and things I’m bound to meet someone … but I’m not overly fussed if I don’t either cos I’ll be doing fun things and getting fit always keen on bettering myself anyway..

I mean...Im jujst trying to make the distiction between a truly awesome person to be with, rather than the type of awesome that is like ......"Oh man my girlfriends really awesome cos she doesnt hassle me for smoking too much pot"

IS there a "correct" answer tho?

This reminds me of a Louis CK bit in his Hilarious performance. :>

With such a high relationship turn over rate these days there's a good chance she will be single eventually.

Now if you also factor in the fact that a girl like that, would be with a extremely hot guy - who by your logic will be a vain insufferable git - there's a good chance he will cheat on her, making it even more likely she will eventually be single.



PS i know girls who fall into that category and are single. But they're never single for long.

No so it's better not to make generalizations right?

But fair enough Maestro wasn't being completely serious about the insufferable gits comment.

You're putting everybody in baskets again. "Hot people have amazing lives and find someone they will stay with forever" basket. Fact is people still live the same lives everyone else do. They break up with people. They become single. They start the process all over again.

So awesome girls/guys do not necessarily become more and rare as time goes on. You just have to be in the right place to meet them at the right time. And the only way to do this is to get out there and meet people wherever you can. But IMO that shouldn't be through online dating. Not in this country anyway. I've said it before, online dating in this country is still full of people who are looking for the perfect partner, someone they will marry and have kids with. They bring all this stupid expectation into every date they go on, and it fucking kills any kind of spark that may otherwise come and turns a date into more of an interview.

People, just go out, meet people, all people. Guys, girls, everyone. Shit will happen if you relax a little. And if it doesn't, fuck it, you had fun anyway

I'm just saying that everyone's personal experience is different so their correct answer is going to be different to your correct answer rather than there being A correct answer per se. You seem quite a positive person where as Maestro is a bitter cynical old man.

Generalisations tend to be personal experience couched in broad terms.

Here's another thing. Amazing hot girls don't necessarily go with extremely hot guys - they go with extremely confident guys. A lot of these hot guys give off the aura of confidence, but I think we all know that most of them are as self-conscious as anyone else, and are dicksacks to boot. Girls realise this eventually, and the turn-around commences.

Be there for it

I agree.. that's what I'm going to do just go out meet people and take on more hobbies... with no expectations...

the nut in the shell.

heh I know that's not a word but meh.. you guys clearly all think I'm a idiot so what's the point bothering

not at all QT
you read me all wrong
I was saying you said everything that needed to be said right thurr, as it were

Ok, i see what you're saying

Haha, this was actually the second part of my post above, but i didn't word it very well and had to quickly leave for work so i deleted it.

There is an answer to the question though, right?

I cbf'd finding it, but there is no doubt some reseach that has looked at the relationship of attractiveness to aspects of personality...

if you're still single at 30 then you're a dud

Speaking from experience, eh?

What if you broke up with someone a day before your 30th?

What if your wife/husband died in a freak accident 91 days before your 30th birthday?

he has a lifetime of experience being a dud.

Have you guys caught up for that drink in Sydney yet? :>

he won't return my texts

He's not actually a real person.

that's still no excuse imo.

Then youve got 90 days to grieve and get re-shacked without anyone getting suspicious

dating sites are crap because their target is women. If women don't sign up, then nobody signs up. I mean... what dating website that cared about what men think would stick a starsign in your profile?

Not much experience with them but I think for sure you would have to be pretty patient, and open minded

One thing I have noticed actually. I used Findsomeone for 5-6 months about 6/7 years ago. My still email me with "matches" and occasionally over the past 5 years Ive been bored enough to click on one and browse around a bit..and on there I seee many profile photos that I remember from all those years ago Like...heap[s of them, I think thats weird and stinks of their supposed 60/40 M/F split as being bogus

oops

WhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA??!!!

Are you telling me that if guys didn't sign up all these sites would be flourishing with female members desperately waiting for just one man to sign up? Imagine being that first guy. It'd be a virtual pussy feast! There's be fights, there'd be tears, I'm envisaging a Lynx ad here

That's generalising too!


Any suggestions on places to meet people? I've been back in Auckland since November and will be starting a new job next month so that's one place. I go skiing at Snowplanet every week but you don't really meet people while skiing, and they're mostly teenagers anyway. I've been job hunting for temp work until I start the new job but there were no eligible male recruiters (and it would probably be inappropriate). And I go walking for an hour and a half every day and pass other people on the street, but it doesn't seem to be likely I'll meet someone that way.

I do remember back in the day you used my photos to sign up to dating sites so that hot chicks will talk to you. So don't come here with "not to much erxperience" bullshit.

i'd say the top four places people usually meet would be through work, flatmates, friends of friends or out at bars/nightclubs/dance parties etc

Or you could walk around vic park woolworths with your banana's facing up

It's like a nightclub that lets women in free or gives them a drink. The site really has to pander more to women than to men. Women being there is a good enough reason for men and they will put up with all the dumb shit that comes with pandering to women.