A joke

For all you B'day people no less. This tickled my fancy:
"Hello, is this the police?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Tony! He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the police officers descended on Tony's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open
every piece of wood but found no marijuana.
They swore at Tony and left.

The phone rang at Tony's house.

"Hey, Tony! Did the cops come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, Buddy"

Hahaha, luv it dood

hehehe.. dumb cops lol nice one smiley

Hahaha - nice one, that so put a smile on my face!!!!

Always
Dreaming

hehe someone sent that 2 me in a email the other day, what a coincidence (hope that is spelt right)

nice start to the day - humour always helps on Fridays =]

hehe, nice work
put a smile on my face too

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind
guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6'tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next
to me is blonde and she's a weightlifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously mister.
You still wanna tell that blonde joke?

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm
gonna have to explain it five times."

Heres a nice one 4 u ppl

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some Bum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that
they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures
the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a
regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist,
"we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the
container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to
her,

"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
the container,


Wait for it ....



"To apply, push up bottom."

a man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat, first the man asks the bar tender if he can buy him and his two friends a round of drinks, the bar tender looks at the man stangely but still delivers the drinks. the next round is brought by the ostrich and this continues with the man and ostrich buying rounds of drinks for the three of them,

after a while the bar tender asks the man why the cat hasnt brought any of the drinks, the man then explains to him about earlier on in the day how he had found a lamp and been granted two wishs etc etc, the bar tender then became very interested, 'oh, yes so what did you wish for?'
'a tall bird with a tight pussy'

that one was pretty bad, lol

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
----------------------------------------------------
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda, no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
----------------------------------------------------
A guy is sitting in the pub, looking lost and forelorne.
"What's up with you?" asks his mate.
"Remember that beautiful bird I picked up last night?"
"The one you spent 2 hours snogging, then took home for the night?"
"Yeah."
"What about her?" he asks.
"Got her home, got her into bed, and I find out she's a guy."
"Wow! Did ya kick him out?"
"Sure did. Cheeky sod wouldn't do the dishes after breakfast."

oh this is brilliant for a slow friday.... keepem coming please hehehehehe

Two sisters, One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
> Unfortunately after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
> In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
> purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
> The brunette balances their chequebook, than takes their last $600 dollars
> out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
> Upon leaving, she tells her sister, When I get there, If I decide to buy
> the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.
> The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
> she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599,
> no less.
> After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
> telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and
> says, I want to send a
> telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I
> need her to come haul it home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll
> be glad to help her, then adds, It's just 99 cents a word. Well with only
> $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realises that she'll only
> be able to send her sister one word.
> After thinking for a few minutes she nods, and says, I want you to send
> her the word, "Comfortable".
> The Telegraph operator shakes his head, How is she ever going to know that
> you want her to drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you
> send her the word
> "comfortable?" The brunette explains, My sister's blonde. She'll read it
> slow.

Three men were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The
others look at him curiously. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear.
When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a Fax," he explains