The short skirt has to be one of the greatest inventions in history and I’m sure most red-blooded men out there would agree. Far be it from me to complain about getting a flash of underwear from time to time, but often I wonder if girls actually realise they are wearing short skirts.
Here are a few situations where I think girls need to be a little more careful when they wear short skirts so they can keep their morning eating habits more to themselves…
Sitting
Firstly, there’s a style of skirt that has a turned up lower edge. When a girl sits in this type of skirt she needs to be aware that the fabric can fold up and stay that way when she gets up to leave. Even wiping it down doesn’t stop it from flicking back up and showing off the Weet-bix she had for breakfast.
Then there’s the way a girl sits while in a skirt…she can sit any way she likes, but when she has one leg up on the wrung of a chair and the other on the ground I think she may show off a little too many cornflakes than she thinks…
Men have always had this way of sitting with their legs wide apart while girls have always crossed their legs daintily, especially in skirts. So why is it that these days girls are more and more starting to sit with their legs wide open catching flies like the guys do? Maybe in this new urban café culture it’s just being polite…would you like to share my Bran Flakes? Sugar anyone?
Walking
Marilyn Monroe once made it famous when she walked over an air grate and showed the world her Fruit loops while pretending to hold her skirt down. This seems to happen quite a lot these days I’ve noticed, maybe not quite in the same way, but close enough.
Women can often walk with a sway and to most men this natural action is rather sexy. But when you sway in certain skirts, they flick up at each step. It can be quite funny to watch a line of guys doing the African elephant walk behind a girl as they watch her skirt flick. Oh look, Marmite toast!
Bending
Sooner or later while wearing a short skirt one must bend down for some reason, be it to get a book from a low shelf at the library, to pick up a bag or just to take a photo – click! Again, many girls don’t remember they’re wearing the skirt and just bend down from the waist… Full English breakfast, impressive! Then again if a girl was to crouch down she’d have the same problem but from the front. I can hear the compliments now… Just Right!!
Standing
Now you’d think that a girl just standing somewhere out of the wind could manage to keep her Cocoa pops to herself. Well I guess that depends on where the girl’s standing.
Escalators are one of those devices that a girl can stand on and not be safe from displaying Honey puffs. If going up she has to worry about people behind, if going down she needs to worry about people coming up the opposing escalator. She can’t even lean on the side as people on the floor below can see. What’s a girl to do? Maybe catch the lift?
The lift is another place where a girl must be careful, especially if there are glass walls and the floor below is a food court. In fact there is a set of lifts just like this in my local food court and for some reason girls love to lean against the back of the lift and as the lift goes up the entire food court gets a view. If a group of friends should do it together it’s like the cereal aisle in the supermarket…ah, Crunchie nut, Raisin Bran, Special K and a Bacon Mcmuffin!
Solutions
So what can be done in the steady barrage of underwear flashings that occur daily in our fair cities? Well here are a couple of suggestions:
Girls could stop wearing short skirts…Okay, while this would certainly solve the problem none of us really want to stop girls showing off their legs in these skirts, especially the guys. So please take me off your hits lists, I was kidding, honestly.
Girls could stop wearing underwear…Okay so I had to try…
Guys shouldn’t look…Well that’s like saying here’s a beer but you can’t drink it. If it’s there, we’ll look at it unless our eyes have suddenly gone blind or if your boyfriend looks like he could remove our own breakfast with just a look.
Girls should understand better… if she is going to wear a skirt so short it has less fabric than her g-string then understand that guys are going to look a lot.
Girls should take better precautions…If a girl is walking up stairs, standing in a glass lift or bending down, she needs to remember that she’s wearing a skirt and may not be intending to show off her Oat Bran. Just because she can’t see it doesn’t mean we can’t.
Please note that no Breakfast Cereals were harmed in the writing of this article, honest.
Until next time…
A.J. Key – ajkey04@yahoo.com.au
